Nina Guercio SPHR, SHRM-SCP
Training & Development Specialist
Talent Development / NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital
What’s the best way to become always conscious of your subconscious? Ex: ingrained mannerisms like sighing and facial expressions, body language habits, and tone. Does one just pretend to be fake like a robot with no emotion? Of course not; I tried that too.
Basically- How do you grow/specialize your “filter?”
Thank you for your question. I will encourage you to view Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk on Your body language shapes who you are. This is a great question. It shows that you have a mindset that what got you here won’t get you “there”. Life demands that we continuously grow and evolve so we can be happy and engaged in what we do. Unfortunately, as humans we can’t always see our behaviors and actions without a little help.The best way to become conscious of the subconscious is to be clear about who you aspire to be and what you desire to do, and to ask others for feedback. You have to have some idea of where you’re going so you can get a map and ask for directions!
You also have to be specific. Tell people the kind of qualities you’re trying to adapt, or the kind of behaviors you’re trying to avoid. Share the reasons why. Then ask, “What should I start, stop, or continue doing to reach my goal?” You may not receive an answer right away. You may even hear, “You’re great! Don’t change a thing!” However, you have taken an important step by being vulnerable and vocalizing your goals. It opens everyone’s eyes, including your own. It also tells people they can hold you accountable: “Tell me what I’m doing well, or what I need to change.”
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This also means, of course, that you have to be open to the what you receive. You may hear the unexpected, the unsolicited, the unpleasant, the unsettling. You may learn of habits that you never realized have a positive impact on others, and on your image. You may learn of habits that mask your talents, or conflict with who you desire to be. However, it is a gift to have relationships where the trust is strong enough for people to communicate honestly with you; relationships where the person knows you will receive it with a smile and, “Thank you. You’ve given me something to think about!”
The final step is to decide what you will do with what you’ve heard, and take action. Be kind to yourself; not every change will be a leap within a few weeks. But thanks to the feedback you can take small conscientious actions every day, and evolve to the person you want to be.
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Wow! I am amazed and inspired by your heartfelt response. Thank you so much for taking the time to fully explain your thoughts and for guiding me towards a better “me.”
I look forward to asking my loved ones, co-workers and peers for their open and honest feedback. Thanks again for the inspiration!